Taxi Van

Taxi Van Taxivan Services: Now operates on a daily basis running about the community of Clackmannanshire.

It has been in operation for 4 years and the owner has now successfully learned all the necessary skills to do the work the community asks of him and his business. Taxivan has now in place the Taxivan website within all the details about the transport, advertising and emergency storage also with plans of adding a local selling to page to the new website. Taxivan is a growing business through the input of having a good working relationship within the community and the people who hire us for work.

COOPER AND RITA FAE BONNYBRIDGECooper Bing was sitting comfortably in his armchair, feet up, glasses on, quietly reading...
23/12/2025

COOPER AND RITA FAE BONNYBRIDGE

Cooper Bing was sitting comfortably in his armchair, feet up, glasses on, quietly reading the paper and enjoying a rare moment of peace.
WHACK.
Out of nowhere, his wife Rita appeared behind him and smacked him square on the back of the head with a frying pan.
Cooper yelped.
“WHAT THE f@ WIS THAT FIR?!”
Rita folded her arms and glared.
“I found a bit of paper in your pocket with the name Betty Sue written on it.”
Cooper blinked, rubbed his head, and sighed.
“God women… that was the name of the horse I bet on at the races.”
Rita nodded slowly.
“Oh aye?”
She turned and walked out of the room.
Cooper smiled, relieved, and went back to his paper.
Five minutes later…
WHACK.
The frying pan landed again.
Cooper shouted, “RIGHT! NOW WHAT NOW?!”
Rita leaned in close and said calmly,
“Your Bl@ just horse phoned.” 😏🍳

DAVIE McALLISTER AND IRENE FAE COATBRIDGEDavie McAllister was only trying to be polite.When the hotel staff member arriv...
23/12/2025

DAVIE McALLISTER AND IRENE FAE COATBRIDGE

Davie McAllister was only trying to be polite.
When the hotel staff member arrived with extra towels, Davie smiled and said,
“Cheers, love, much appreciated.”
That was it.
Two seconds.
Four harmless words.

His wife, Ireane, slowly turned to face him… and her cheeks went the colour of a fire engine.
“Oh really?” she snapped.
“So now ye’re flirting with hotel staff?”
Dave laughed. “Don’t be daft, Irene. I’m just saying thank you.”
Irene was not F@ joking.

Before Davie could blink, she grabbed her handbag, muttered something about “typical men,” and stormed straight out of the hotel like she was escaping a burning building.
Davie chased her.
Phoned her.
Texted her.
Phoned again.
Nothing.

For nearly three hours, Davie wandered the streets, checking cafés, shops, and even a charity shop she hated — just in case.
Then his heart sank when he finally spotted her… sitting calmly in the hotel bar.
Davie rushed over. “Irene! I’ve been frantic! Where’ve ye been?”
She sipped her gin and tonic and said,
“Well, I got bored waiting outside… and the bar staff were very polite.”

She leaned in, smirked, and added:
“I even thanked them for the extra olives.”
Davie said nothing.
He just nodded… and ordered himself three towels and a whisky — just to be safe.

WEE SCOTTIE FAE ALVA WANTED TAE KNOW WHERE BABIES CAME FAE.Wee Scottie sat at the kitchen table in his socks, kicking hi...
23/12/2025

WEE SCOTTIE FAE ALVA WANTED TAE KNOW WHERE BABIES CAME FAE.

Wee Scottie sat at the kitchen table in his socks, kicking his heels off the chair while his dad, big Scottie, hunched over a pile of bills, chewing the end of a pencil like it owed him money.
Out of nowhere, Wee Scottie said,
“Dad… I ken babies come from mummies’ Bellies…”
Big Scottie grunted. “Aye.”
“But how dae they get in there in the first place?”
The pencil snapped!
The kettle hissed louder than usual.
Big Scottie stared at the wall like the answer might be written on it.
“Well… eh…” he said, scratching his head. “That’s… complicated stuff, son.”
Wee Scottie tilted his head. “Is it magic?”
His Dad jumped on that like a lifeboat.
“Aye! Pure Magic. Proper magic.”
Wee Scotties eyes lit up. “Like wizards?”
“Aye,” Brian nodded. “Only wi’ less capes and nae explosions.”
Wee Scottie thought for a minute, then shrugged.
“Oh. Right then Da.”
Big Scottie relaxed, poured himself a cuppa, and went back to his bills.
Just as he took his first sip, Jamie added,
“So when I’m big, will I have tae dae the magic anaw?”
Big Scottie choked on his tea.
“Eh… no till you’re much older, son.”
Jamie nodded, hopped off the chair, and headed for the door.
“Right,” he said cheerfully,
“I’m aff tae tell Mum ye blamed it on magic. She said it was your fault anyway.”

DAVE WIS A FEW WATTS SHORT OF A LIGHTBULBJohn was halfway through buttering his toast when his flatmate, Dave, came thro...
22/12/2025

DAVE WIS A FEW WATTS SHORT OF A LIGHTBULB
John was halfway through buttering his toast when his flatmate, Dave, came through the door far earlier than expected.
“You’re back quick,” John said, squinting at the clock. “What happened to your date?”
Dave dropped his jacket on the chair and sighed. “Well… after dinner she invited me up to her flat.”
John’s eyebrows shot up. “Promising.”
“We had a couple of drinks,” Dave continued. “She put on some soft music. Nice lighting. Very cosy.”
John leaned forward. “Aye? Go on…”
“Then,” said Dave, “she reached over and turned off all the lights.”
John grinned. “So what happened next?”
Dave shrugged. “I took the hint.”
“And?”
“I came home.”
John stared at him. “That was the hint?”
Dave nodded seriously. “Aye. Lights off. Clearly means visit’s over. I wasn’t raised in a barn.”
John slowly put the toast down. “Dave… the lights weren’t for you.”
Dave paused. Thought about it. Then sighed again.
“Well,” he said, grabbing his jacket, “that explains the text asking why I left so fast.”

The Lunch Confession in ClackmannanIt was quiet in the Café in Clackmannan. Maureen and Sheila were halfway through thei...
22/12/2025

The Lunch Confession in Clackmannan
It was quiet in the Café in Clackmannan.
Maureen and Sheila were halfway through their lunch, forks clinking and gossip flowing freely.
Maureen leaned in, lowered her voice, and whispered,
“Don’t tell anyone… but I’m getting a b**b job.”
Sheila barely blinked. She sipped her tea and replied casually,
“That’s nothing. I’m getting my arse hole bleached.”
Maureen nearly dropped her cup.
“Really?” she said, eyes wide. “I can’t imagine your Ronnie as a blonde.”
For a moment there was silence… then other tables heard and burst out laughing, loud enough to turn heads across the café.
The story is the now the talk about in Clackmannan.

BLONDE SANDRA FROM PAISLEYSandra stopped in front of the old drinks machine at the shopping centre and dropped a coin in...
22/12/2025

BLONDE SANDRA FROM PAISLEY
Sandra stopped in front of the old drinks machine at the shopping centre and dropped a coin into the slot.
With a clunk and a hiss, a can of Coke rolled out.
She stared at it.
“No way…”
Grinning, Sandra scooped up the can and sprinted off, returning moments later with a fistful of coins. One after another, she fed them into the machine.
Clunk.
Hiss.
Clatter.
Cans piled up at her feet like she’d cracked some secret code. She laughed, coins flying, machine obediently delivering drink after drink.
A man waiting nearby cleared his throat. After watching for a minute, he tapped her shoulder.
“Excuse me… any chance someone else could have a go?”

Sandra spun round, clutching another can, eyes sparkling.
“Are you blindman F@ off I’m on a Role?” she said proudly.
“I’m WINNING!”

NOSEY OLE GIT FAE CUNBERNAULDThe Number 8 bus rumbled through town as wee Rory sat by the window, happily unwrapping cho...
22/12/2025

NOSEY OLE GIT FAE CUNBERNAULD
The Number 8 bus rumbled through town as wee Rory sat by the window, happily unwrapping chocolate after chocolate.
Milk chocolate. Rory one.
Then another.
A man sitting beside him cleared his throat.
“Ye ken, son,” he said, peering over his glasses, “eatin’ aw that chocolate’ll ruin yer teeth.”
Rory didn’t even look up.
He just popped another square into his mouth.
“My granda lived till he was a hundred and thirty-two,” he said proudly.
The man raised an eyebrow.
“Oh aye? And was that because he ate chocolate?”
Rory smiled, wiped his hands on his jacket, and replied,
“No… it was because he always minded his ain business.”
The bus went quiet.
Then somebody at the back burst out laughing.

DODY SYKES FAE PARK PLACE HIS HEARING AID PROBLEM.Old Dody fae Park Place gets a new hearing aid from his doctor.A few w...
22/12/2025

DODY SYKES FAE PARK PLACE HIS HEARING AID PROBLEM.
Old Dody fae Park Place gets a new hearing aid from his doctor.
A few weeks later, he comes back for a check-up.
The Doc Smith smiles and says,
“Your hearing is perfect now. Your family must be delighted.”
Old Dody grins.
“Oh, I’ve not told them yet.”
The Doc frowns. “You haven’t?”
“Nope,” says Dody. “I just sit quietly and listen to all their conversations.”
He pauses… then adds,
“In the last month, I’ve changed my will three times.” 😄

Hughy Pollok fae Kincardine and his Bed ProblemHughy Po***ck finally admitted to himself he had a problem.Every night, t...
22/12/2025

Hughy Pollok fae Kincardine and his Bed Problem
Hughy Po***ck finally admitted to himself he had a problem.
Every night, the moment he staggered into bed, his eyes would dart to the floor.
“I swear there’s somebody under the bed,” he muttered.
So off he went to see Dr Hugo First.
“Doctor,” Hughy said, wringing his hands, “every time I lie down, I think there’s someone under the bed. Then I look under the bed, and I’m convinced there’s somebody on it. Under… on… under… on… I’m going off ma Heed.”
Dr Hugo First stroked his chin.
“Hmm. Come and see me three times a week for the next two years. We’ll sort this out.”
Hughy gulped.
“How much?”
“A hundred quid a visit.”
“I’ll… think about it,” Tam said, backing toward the door.
Hughy never went back.
Months later, he bumped into Dr Mc Hugo First in the street.
“Hughy! Why didn’t you come back for your treatment?” the doctor asked.
Hughy shrugged.
“A hundred quid a visit? I cannae afford that. The barman at the Former Prince Andrew sorted me out for a tenner.”
The doctor nearly dropped his briefcase.
“The barman? What did he do?”
Hughy grinned.
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

The Notice in a garden in Calder StreetJust a week after the wedding, neighbours on Calder Street noticed a strange wee ...
22/12/2025

The Notice in a garden in Calder Street
Just a week after the wedding, neighbours on Calder Street noticed a strange wee sign staked into the grass outside Wee Bobbys hoose.
FOR SALE --One computer-- One full encyclopaedia set-- Both in good condition
Old Mrs McKay from next door squinted at it.
“Odd thing tae sell just after getting married,” she muttered .
Bobby stood at the front door, arms folded, looking tired but resigned. His best pal Tam Baird wandered over, coffee in hand.
“Bobby what’s bugging yea… why are ye selling your computer and books?” Tam asked.
Bobby sighed. “Nae longer needed.”
Tam raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”
“Since I married Morag,” Bobby said quietly.
At that very moment, Morag’s voice floated out the open window.
“Bobby! You left your socks on the radiator again. And by the way, the weather tomorrow will be rain at 3pm, sunshine at 4, and you’re aw wrong about the football results!”
Tam blinked. “She knows everything?”
“Aye,” Bobby nodded. “And if she doesn’t… she phones her maw.”
Right on cue, Morag appeared at the door holding her phone.
“Maw agrees with me,” she said sweetly.
Bobby pointed at the sign. “See? Backup server.”
Tam laughed. “What’s her mum’s name again?”
Bobby groaned. “Aggie… but round here she’s known as The Mother-In-Law.”
The sign stayed up all week.
Nobody bought the computer.
Nobody bought the encyclopaedias.
Turns out… when your wife knows everything — with backup — nobody needs references anymore.

The Notice in a garden in Calder Street
Just a week after the wedding, neighbours on Calder Street noticed a strange wee sign staked into the grass outside Wee Bobbys hoose.
FOR SALE --One computer-- One full encyclopaedia set-- Both in good condition
Old Mrs McKay from next door squinted at it.
“Odd thing tae sell just after getting married,” she muttered .
Bobby stood at the front door, arms folded, looking tired but resigned. His best pal Tam Baird wandered over, coffee in hand.
“Bobby what’s bugging yea… why are ye selling your computer and books?” Tam asked.
Bobby sighed. “Nae longer needed.”
Tam raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”
“Since I married Morag,” Bobby said quietly.
At that very moment, Morag’s voice floated out the open window.
“Bobby! You left your socks on the radiator again. And by the way, the weather tomorrow will be rain at 3pm, sunshine at 4, and you’re aw wrong about the football results!”
Tam blinked. “She knows everything?”
“Aye,” Bobby nodded. “And if she doesn’t… she phones her maw.”
Right on cue, Morag appeared at the door holding her phone.
“Maw agrees with me,” she said sweetly.
Bobby pointed at the sign. “See? Backup server.”
Tam laughed. “What’s her mum’s name again?”
Bobby groaned. “Aggie… but round here she’s known as The Mother-In-Law.”
The sign stayed up all week.
Nobody bought the computer.
Nobody bought the encyclopaedias.
Turns out… when your wife knows everything — with backup — nobody needs references anymore.

The Trousers LessonMalky Fraser was about to marry wee Jeannie fae Bristol Street, so his father, Big Tam Fraser, decide...
22/12/2025

The Trousers Lesson
Malky Fraser was about to marry wee Jeannie fae Bristol Street, so his father, Big Tam Fraser, decided it was time for a wee bit of fatherly wisdom.
They sat at the kitchen table, a Carlsberg between them.
“Son,” Tam said seriously, “let me tell ye a secret tae a happy marriage. On ma wedding night, I took aff ma trousers, handed them tae yer , and maw en said, ‘Here—try these on.’”
Malky raised an eyebrow but listened.
“Yer mum tried them and said, ‘They’re far too big. I cannae wear these.’ So I told her, ‘Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family, and I always will.’”
Tam nodded proudly.
“Never had a problem since.”
Malky leaned back taking a swig oh the bottle. “Aye… that sounds like solid advice Da.”
So, on Malky and Isla’s honeymoon tae Burntisland, feeling confident and very pleased with himself, Malky decided to try the same trick.
He took off his trousers, handed them to Jeannie, and said,
“Here—try these on.”
Jeannie slipped them on, shook her head and said,
“Fer Fu@@ sake Malky they’re too big. They dinnae fit me.”
Malky grinned.
“Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family, and I always will. And I don’t want ye forgetting that.”
Jeannie said nothing.
Instead, she calmly took off her trousers, handed them to Callum, and smiled sweetly.
“Your turn. You try mine.”
Malky tugged. Pulled. Struggled.
“I cannae get into them,” he puffed.
Jeannie nodded.
“Exactly. And if ye don’t change that smart-arse attitude of yours, ye never will.”
And that, it’s said, was the real start of Malky and Jeannies marriage fae Bristol Street.

DEL AND BEV IN GREENFEILD PARKI was walking through the park yesterday when I spotted Del and his girlfriend Bev sitting...
22/12/2025

DEL AND BEV IN GREENFEILD PARK
I was walking through the park yesterday when I spotted Del and his girlfriend Bev sitting on a bench, having a right blazing row.
Suddenly, Del jumped up, poured a bottle of meths over the bench, and set it on fire.
I shouted,
“Del! What on F@ are you doing?!”
Del didn’t even look back. He just said,
“She can leave me if she wants…
but there’s no way she’s getting the house.”

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