27/09/2026
Proof that not all adventues happen when on tour...
The Night We Accidentally Bagged an Uber Eats Driver.
Last night, we caught an Uber Eats delivery driver. It was completely unintentional. It is not as if we spend our Saturday nights actively hunting unsuspecting DoorDash or Uber Eats people. This one simply stumbled into our trap all on his own. In fact, until this incident, we weren’t even aware the trap existed. The food courier was merely looking for a shortcut through the maze of roadworks outside our medical centre. Being a Saturday evening, the main road was chaotic, but the centre’s car park was dead quiet because the clinic was closed. Seeing an opening, the driver decided to scoot around the back of the building, cut through the car park, and pop out onto the side street—cleverly bypassing the weekend traffic. But unbeknownst to our Gastro-Sustenance Chauffeur, the security gates operate on a strict timer. And his timing was tragic. As he drove around the building, the automated system ticked over to that magic minute where the gates automatically shut and lock. By the time our Personal Nutrition Transportation Specialist arrived at the exit, it was barricaded. With the medical centre closed and the lights out, there was no one home to release the Hangry Healer. He was stuck with zero exit strategy. Finding the number for our security monitoring company, he called Code 9 to plead his case. Unfortunately, they couldn’t open the gates remotely, but they knew who could. Alas, that person wasn't answering because their phone was on the charger (and, to be fair, they weren't expecting a late-night jailbreak call). Working their way down the contact list, the security company eventually called us at home. All they could tell us was that someone was locked in the car park. Not who, and not why. We drove down to the practice to investigate. Was it a staff member? A patient? A burglar? What we found was an abandoned, locked car parked directly in front of the shut gate. The mystery deepened: a vehicle, but no driver. Naturally, we decided to take the only logical course of action available to us... we went to get ice cream. Once we had secured our gelato cones, we phoned the security company back. Did they, by any chance, have the car owner's number? They did. We dialled it, finally unmasking the identity of our mystery captive.I t turns out our hero had abandoned his vehicle in a desperate pursuit of duty—determined to deliver the onboard eats while they were still hot. Just like a contestant on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, he had used a lifeline and phoned a friend. The friend had picked him and the food up, helped him complete the delivery, and dropped him back off. Now, he was standing alone in the pitch-black car park, unsure of his next move. Having determined his relative innocence—and feeling assured he had learned his lesson—we finally arranged his release. The Dopamine Dealer was at last free to go, and we returned to our Saturday night with gelato in hand and one heck of a story to tell.
