07/28/2025
Downsizing your parents? This could be good, or it could be very bad. Often times many adult children try to help and assist their parents with downsizing. They could be just retiring and moving out of state, or they could be going into assisted living, depending upon the circumstance of course. As the child tries to help, they often do not listen to their parents needs or respect their boundaries, because they are too close to them. They may think they know what the parents NEED to keep or get rid of. In this process there ends up being a lot of push and pull, as well as hurt feelings and potentially the loss of trust between child and parent. I have seen this happen numerous times.
I want to remind adult children to think of HOW upset THEY would be if their children came in and said and did the same things. We have to remember this isn't just STUFF. These items and belongings in their parent's homes are part of their parent's lives. These things are part of memories and experiences which they have had.
As an example, I had a woman tell me that her mother would not get rid of this "stupid" troll doll that sits on the top of her mother's tv. Yet, I had to remind her that what IF...What if that troll doll was the last thing her and her grandchild played with together? See how this could change your perspective?
So I ask of my fellow adult children to LISTEN to your parents. Ask questions. Respect their wishes in regard to their belongings. It is their stuff, and this should be their decisions. You should only be the facilitator to assist them in making decisions and helping them repurposing and/or rehoming their belongings.
And truly, if this is not your gift, you could always hire someone like me to show your parents the respect and give them the help that they deserve. There is no shame in this at all. Matter of fact, you may even end up saving your relationship of trust and love with your parent through their senior years.
