09/04/2026
"Una Don Dey Fínger My Nyash Since Morning, is okay", Patient nearly made me fail an exam👇
One day during my examination for Federal Teaching Hospital, I nearly cry because of one patient.
I rush enter bike from Adankolo Campus like person wey dey pursue thief. As I reach hospital, sweat full my body. I was already late and the next thing on my timetable na DRE.
For those wey no know, DRE mean Digital Re**al Examination. No be digital as in phone or computer o. "Digital" for medicine mean finger.
Na examination where doctor wear glove, put lubricant for finger, then gently insert am through person nyash to check wetin dey happen inside. We fit use am check prostate enlargement, prostate cancer, re**al diseases, bleeding, masses and other problems for that area.
Simple explanation?
Na medical way of saying, "Doctor wan put finger for your nyash for examination."
As I reach the patient's bedside, I discover say almost everybody don use the man before me.
One student.
Five students.
Ten students.
Fifteen students.
Almost twenty students.
The man don tire.
As I wear glove come near am, he just look me.
Then look the glove.
Then look me again.
"Oga, abeg no."
I laugh because I think say na joke.
The man no laugh.
"Oga, I don tire. Una don dey finger my nyash since morning. Make una allow me rest."
Ward scatter with small laughter.
My own laughter no come out because na my exam dey ground.
I begin beg.
"Sir, abeg help me."
He shake head.
"No. Today no."
My heart sink.
I tell am:
"Sir, if you no gree, I fit fail."
The man say:
"Na you go fail? Wetin I go talk wey don receive twenty fingers today?"
Everybody burst laugh.
I almost cry.
At this point, shame don comot from my body.
I move closer.
"Sir, abeg. I rush come from Adankolo, I fit be your son, I don write Jamb 3 times before I got this admission. I fit fail this thing. Help me."
The man look me with the kind pity wey farmer dey look goat for Christmas.
Still, he no gree.
I continue:
"Sir, abeg na. Just this once. Make I no repeat year 4 because of one finger."
The man face the examiner.
Face me.
Face my glove.
Then say:
"Young man, wetin una dey find inside there wey twenty people never find?"
Another round of laughter.
I was already seeing supplementary exam in my future.
I practically kneel down.
"Sir, abeg. Help me. God go bless you."
The man sigh.
Deep sigh.
The sigh of a man wey don suffer for science.
Then he say:
"Okay. Because you don nearly cry."
I thank God immediately.
But before agreeing, the man drop the statement wey finish everybody:
"Una don dey finger my nyash since morning. If una never see wetin una dey find by now, e mean say e no dey there. But okay, make this your own be the last finger wey this nyash go see today."
Even the examiner laugh.
Me?
I no laugh.
I was too busy thanking God for saving my result.
~ This is purely fiction!
